So. I’ve been learning to be Mrs C for two months now. Early days I know but we’re choosing to celebrate even the smallest victories in life!
These last two months have held some of the happiest and some of the most trying moments to date. I certainly couldn’t say that they held any of my worst moments, and I’m choosing to believe that, although life will continue to throw curve balls over the years, my worst and most painful moments are behind me.
Sometimes I look at Mr C and I can literally feel my heart swelling with affection and gratitude for him. In the spirit of celebrating marriage, I am incredibly grateful that Mr C:
– Can laugh at my often irrational outbursts. When I’m at my most irritable he is becoming an expert at seeking out a cuddle. Brave man. And most of the time it works!
– Remembers to do things that I forget to. When you’ve previously been in a long-term relationship with children and then become a single mum, that fierce independence becomes ingrained into every fibre of your being. It’s a challenge letting go and sharing responsibility, becoming a team with someone again. But boy, it’s worth it.
– Is unbelievably gracious. When I’m very tired or very hungry (or heaven forbid both) I can be childish and petulant, and will drive him up the wall. But the moment I seek peace he will hold me and kiss me and tell me he loves me. He clearly didn’t get the memo that when you’re wronged you should drag out that sense of self-righteousness until the offending party feels thoroughly remorseful.
Don’t get me wrong, Mr C is no Mr Perfect and I have asked myself a number of time, mid-row, if either of us is really up to this whole marriage thing. Because making a marriage work is hard. And making a marriage good and healthy is even harder. Especially in the early days of marriage it’s a huge learning curve.
I’m learning that it is not all about me. It’s not all about how I should be treated. It’s not all about having my needs met. Being on my own for a while,I fell into the trap of licking my wounds, temporarily swearing off another serious relationship and then allowing myself to create a wishlist of what I would want/need in a man if I was to allow myself to be vulnerable again. That’s not necessarily a bad thing to do when we’ve been hurt…If it’s balanced with a list of what we can commit to being to be the best partner we can be. Because if I’m focused on myself and what I get out of a relationship and Mr C is focused on himself then all needs are going to well and truly fall by the wayside. I need to keep reminding myself that if I’ve got my husbands back and he’s got mine then we’re both in a pretty healthy place. I know this might seem obvious but I’m guessing that this may resonate with a lot of you too.
I mentioned at the beginning of this post that we’re choosing to celebrate the little things – most people would scoff at making a big deal of two months of marriage. But when you’ve experienced the pain and fear that marriage breakdown brings then you don’t half feel like high fiving the world when you’re investing in making a marriage work and making it great.
Plus it makes life so much more fun! So this evening I will make no apology in welcoming my parents over, serving up a feast and enjoying a glass of bubbly.
What small victory can you celebrate?
Mrs C x