The garden elves next door….

I’m going to let you in on a very big secret.  It’s huge.  Like world-exclusive huge.

Elves do exist.  Like, in real life.

I don’t know how many different kinds of elves are out there because I’ve only seen the work of one kind (santa’s team excepted); and that’s the garden elves.

Here’s the thing.  Our next door neighbour’s garden is huge and it wraps around two sides of ours.  And it’s always immaculate.  I’m talking pristine grass.  All.  The.  Time.  This is undoubtedly the work of the garden elves.  I know this because no humans do any gardening in there.  Ever.

I havn’t actually seen one of these elves yet.  Not for want of trying mind, because I’ve been on the look out.  But they’re shy little minxes that obviously don’t want to be seen.

From my scientific observations however, I have come to the following conclusions about garden elves:

They are teeny-weeny.  Evidence: They’re never seen.  Or… they’re very fast.  Maybe it’s that – they can’t be that small or they wouldn’t be able to hold a decent pair of clippers.

They are nocturnal. Evidence: They must get all their work done at night because I’ve been spying on them at all hours of the day.  My obsession has not yet developed to the point of a night-time stake out so I’m having to work on logic.  Yes, well thought out reasoning, people.

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Mock me all you want.  I’ll have the last laugh when I do finally spot one.

They’re committed and reliable.  Evidence: They show up every night to keep the grass at exactly the same length.  Either that or our neighbours have discovered actual non-growing real turf and are keeping this invention to themselves.


They are at the top of their game.  Evidence: This garden is outstanding.  Some would say beautiful enough to be the habitat of magical creatures…


They have an exclusive clientele. Evidence: They havn’t done my garden.  We’re obviously not in the inner circle.  Now, please understand, I’m not bitter about this.  I have a Mr C who does a brilliant job with our lawn, and if you squint really hard you can see that he does in fact have elf-like qualities.  So in reality I could say I have my very own garden human-elf.  It’s not myself I feel for.  But I’ve watched Mr C.  The poor man has developed a garden-elf inferiority complex.  He’ll stand at the wall and peer over at next doors’ grass, comparing his grass cutting to the skills of those nocturnal magical creatures.  I’ve heard him mumbling about grass seeds and weed killer in his sleep.


So there you have it.  It’s out there.  If you have neighbours that seemingly do very little in their garden but it always looks perfect, I’ll bet you it’s the elves.  And If you do happen to be amongst the lucky few who manage to spot one, don’t go making sudden movements or noises because they scare easily.  Just slip them a note asking them to let Mr C know what weed killer they use…

Have you ever discovered any magical creatures?

Mrc C x



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