Bye to blogging?

Update note added Sunday 4th October 2015

It’s Sunday morning and I’ve had a break from blogging for a few days.  It was a helpful time because despite the reasons for writing this post on Wednesday night, I have missed it.  A few days ago I watched an old JK Rowling interview where she was asked if she’d continue writing after Harry Potter.  She didn’t miss a beat in her response:

Of course I will.  I have to write.  For my own mental health I need to Write.

These words brought me to tears because they resonated with me so powerfully.  It’s in me to write.  It’s my knee jerk reaction when I’m most content, most sad and feeling most lost.  It’s how I process.

It just took writing this and taking a step back to realise.  I still find the blogging world overwhelming and I have to keep myself in check not to compare myself to the cool kids.  But as long as I’m writing then I’m A-Okay.

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Written on Wednesday 30th September 2015:

This week I have very nearly stopped blogging.

I’m not uninspired.  I possibly have too much I want to write about.  My stats have not dropped.  This baby blog is growing steadily in its’ infancy, month by month.  I’ve not received any criticism for my writing. People have been lovely and kind and encouraging.  To think that people actually enjoy reading my blog makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.  And a little surprised if truth be known. It’s huge bonus to the original reason for starting this new blog: Simply because writing makes me happy.

That was way less cheesy in my head.

I have heaps of stuff to write about and more and more people seem to be enjoying it.  The conditions to keep building this little piece of cyber space seem perfect don’t they? So why on earth would I consider scrapping the whole thing?

Maybe because more and more people are enjoying it.  There’s a brilliant blogger/vlogger Charlotte and she named her blog Write Like No One’s Watching (go and check her out, you’ll love her too).  This sentiment was so appropriate for me because for a time it’s what I took so much pleasure in doing.  Writing like no one was watching.  Or reading.  It didn’t matter if a blog post was naff.  It didn’t matter if I wrote 5 days on the trot and then not for over a week.  It didn’t matter because I was writing for an audience of one.  To make sense of the world around me and to capture precious moments that I was all too scared I’d forget otherwise.

Then I made the decision to tell people I was blogging again.  I categorically did not do that so that people would read it.  I did it so that it was not a secret or to become a big deal that I was writing again after the collapse of my first marriage.  I was a little tired of creeping around, becoming consumed with what people, who weren’t in my world anymore, thought of me.  Blogging again, openly so, gave me my voice again.  And it felt bloody great.

Until it registered in my teeny tiny brain that people are actually reading it.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love that I write something and people get something out of it.  But it quickly shifted from writing because I love it and people enjoy it…To writing so people enjoy it.  My focus became skewiff.

I started writing for completely the wrong reason.

Statistics are both friend and foe to a blogger.  It’s great to keep you going when you’ve lost your mojo.  But it’s a pain in the derriere for messing with your perspective.  You reach a milestone and it feels great, until you want to reach that next milestone.  I recently realised I was doing this.  I wanted to pull my arm off just to beat myself with it.   Since when did it become about numbers? Since when did I become so driven by my ego??  I didn’t like this part of me.  I didn’t want a love of writing to turn into this.  To turn me into this.

I started to compare myself to other bloggers.  I tried to keep up with an unrealistic blogging schedule and social media engagement because I so wanted to be a part of this blogging community.  These women are funny and real, and well, I guess I found myself back in the school yard wanting to be one of the cool kids.  To just be one of them.

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Let me tell you, there’s nothing cool about grabbing the laptop at 6.30am to make sure a post is uploaded on time.  That does not make me one of the cool kids.  Or if it does I’m nor sure I want to be cool.

I’m also really really knackered.  I developed writing fever over the summer holidays and found my stride.  And then it was back to school and reality hit hard.  Working full time running around after young children and then having two littlies to love and care for when I get home means by 8pm I’m well and truly cream crackered.  I have so much to write about but even if I wasn’t so distracted by readership, I’m too sleepy to find the right words.  Or any words really.  Sometimes I just use grunts in the evening to communicate with Mr C.

In life I’m a definite flight risk.  When it get’s complicated or challenging I want to run to a happier place where everyone spends their days picking flowers, playing with glitter and talking to fluffy woodland creatures.  I guess right now I’m feeling the pull to run from the blog before my writing turns to utter crud and people want to throw rotten vegetables at me.

Or before I fall out of love with writing.  I think I’d rather have a squashed tomato in the face.

I think a long holiday somewhere warm, lying by a pool and reading a good book would do wonders for my perspective.  Mr C is not convinced by my reasoning.  Perhaps just a couple of good night’s sleep and a lazy weekend at home might to the trick instead.  Fingers crossed!

Yours over-thoughtfully,

Mrs C x

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26 thoughts on “Bye to blogging?

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  1. I adore this. Write for you, when you want to and how often you can. I only post a max of 3 times a week – sometimes 2 and never think about who is reading…in case it is the cool kids. Stay geek and we can collect marbles together Hun 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Don’t go anywhere Mrs C. I’ve just found you after you left me some lovely comments on my own blog and I love your voice. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in this blogging thing and I’ve seen a few bloggers, especially those with children, burn out recently.
    Hope the sleep helps!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Nooooooooooo! Don’t go…
    Ugh social media is the hardest, I get hung up on it sometimes. I just know I should tweet about something I’ve posted but it feels like such a chore. Your writing and the look of your blog is brilliant x

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Have you been reading my mind lady? I had an exact ‘freak out’ last month. My lovely OH asked me to come away from my blog entirely for 2 weeks – then make a choice. He’s a wise old. Within 3 days, I was itching to get back online. I think we all put far too much pressure on ourselves with stats and scheduling. I embraced my chaotic mess of a blog and am determined to ‘reclaim’ it again, whether I have 2 readers or 2,000. Lots of love xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love this. Maybe it’s normal to have occasional meltdowns over the whole blogging thing?? For a whole week I just felt so saturated by social media. It was bogging me down and my knee jerk reaction was to just step away from the whole thing. But I was watching a JK Rowling interview earlier and when asked if she’d continue writing after Harry Potter she answered without missing a beat: “Oh yes. I have to write. For my own mental health I need to write.” It resonated with me to point of choking me up. If you’re a writer, it’s IN you to write. I couldn’t imagine not writing and if truth be known perhaps some of the stress has come from a longing to be able to write more than my full time job allows. Ah, to not have to work and just write!! xx PS VERY excited to be a cheerleader for your LETS TALK post today!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. *oh the typos…it’s almost midnight, I’ve been working 10 hours days and I have my cat on my shoulder. Apologies! Bedtime I think 😉

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  6. I’ve recently written something similar myself! It’s SO easy to get sucked in and sometimes it makes sense to take a step back and remember why you started in the first place. Hope you get your mojo back! #sundaystars

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Kaye, I’ve just updated the post after a couple of days break… Should have done that before I linked up to #sundaystars but you can’t really choose then the words will flow, ha! Thanks for your wise words, you’re so right xx

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  7. Ah it sounds like you’re having a bit of a blog crisis which I think everyone has at some point don’t they! I personally try to write when I feel like it rather than keep to a schedule, and if i feel like lying on the sofa watching tv with a glass of wine then I do and don’t worry about my blog. I know I could probably boost my stats by posting more but there just are not the hours in the day. we need to live first and write about it second! Sounds like you might need a few days off and you will come back fighting! x #sundaystars

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Live first and write about it second. I LOVE that. Having had only a couple of days away I’m missing it already. I can’t help but write, it’s just the rest of the ‘stuff’ that comes with blogging I need to find balance with. Thanks for commenting. (PS I just found your blog this morning and I’m a little bit in love with it!)

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  8. I adore this and can resonate completely. I think I may have forgotten to write for myself somewhere over the course of the last month or so. I think I need a weekend away to put things back into perspective. Writing is in my blood and I’ve written ever since I was able too. Be it stories or blog posts. Although I think I may have gotten a bit carried away with the pressure of keeping up with other bloggers and making my blog fit in with the rest. Right before i read this post I was rejigging how I want my blog to look on a piece of paper. I think I’m going to go back to that piece of paper now and re-jig some more and redesign the blog for me. Chloe xx #sundaystars

    http://www.lifeunexpected.co.uk

    Liked by 1 person

    1. When writing is in your blood, you can’t help BUT write can you?! I reckon it’s a great thing to keep redesigning your blog and thinking of ways to make it more magical – but so that YOU fall more in love with it more than any reader would xx

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  9. Blogging can get like this! You caught up in the ‘how to’ guides and all the hype…and forget why you’re doing it! My best posts are those totally from my heart and my most personal. Just do it when you can, and for the love of it – otherwise you do burn out!!!!! Great post. Jess x

    #sundaystars

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely agree with you, the posts I’m most proud of are the ones I’ve hesitated over uploading because there is so much of ‘me’ in there. But then they’re also the ones I love to read too x

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    1. I’m sticking around, I don’t think I could stay away! You’d never have thought that I have blogged for nearly 7 years! Up until six months ago when I launched this new blog it was just friends and family so its all familiar yet new at the same time! I didn’t even know what a linky was last year! xx

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  10. I totally get this! I have really taken a step back over the last few months as I hated the thought of sitting and writing a post. I had lost why I started the blog in the first place. Now I post when I want and because I want to, that is usually once or twice a week, but it could be four or five, or not at all! Keep up the good work, in your own way and only if you feel like it 😉 Thanks for linking up with #SundayStars xxx

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  11. Oh the joys of blogging! 😉 Seriously, blogging is like one of the best things ever. When it’s good, it’s AMAZING, however there’s also the side which you’ve mentioned here. Feeling like you’re failing, comparing yourself to others, going stats-mad etc. It happens. And to happens to every one of us, including the cool gang. 😉

    Personally, I find it’s best not to compare yourself to anyone and just concentrate on you. What do you want from your blog? And why do you do it? It sounds to me that you already know the answer to this, so just keep on doing what you’ve been doing, have fun with it, let it come from a good place and if you need a blogging break (which we all do from time to time) just take one. Blogging can get overwhelming, but it’s worth hanging on in there for. Best of luck! xx

    #SundayStars

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