Throwback Thursday: Sometimes it’s bitter sweet.

This week is kind of a bitter sweet Throwback Thursday.  We’re jumping back exactly two years, when I met my couple-of-days-old nephew for the first time.

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He was and still is scrummy beyond words.  Even now, I can’t take my eyes off him.  Turning two on Monday, my sister-in-law sent me a video of him on the little tricycle we sent him and we watched it over and over as we listened to him sing happy birthday to himself.

Looking at this photo I can remember breathing in his sweet baby smell and allowing myself to be fully consumed with love for him.  I think I hogged the cuddles that afternoon.  It was good to feel… Well to feel good.

You see, in this picture I’d only just become a single mummy.  I’d had just over a month of crippling fear and anguish.  And though I was beginning to find my feet, I was still not sleeping and was continuing to lose weight rapidly.  Recently I was chatting to Mr C about feeling sad that I’ve put a lot of the weight back on since then and he admitted that back then he had been silently terrified at my fragile figure.  He was a great friend at the time and joked that I needed to get some more pizzas down me and kept his concern to himself.  I had enough to deal with.

It’s funny how powerful images can be, right?  They can transport you back to that very moment in time.  They can torture you with painful memories and can give you a sharp glimpse of that person you used to be.

But they can also remind you how far you’ve come.  How much stronger you are now.

Apart from the toned arms, I don’t miss being this girl.  I’d love to fit into those jeans again but I’d rather be living in the world I’m residing in right now.

Do you have any pictures that fill you with mixed feelings?

Mrs C x

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