Yesterday TJ turned two months old. Flip. Who hid the brakes because I need this whole growing up thing to slow right down. The clichés just roll off the tongue don’t they? It just feels like two minutes ago since he was born… Time is flying by… They grow up too quickly…
But it’s all so true!
It does feel like two minutes ago since we first met him. Time is flying. He is growing up too quickly. I think moreso because this is the final human that I will grow, birth and give a piece of my self to. As each stage passes my heart stings, knowing this is the last time I’ll experience it.
Two months. Even though it’s gone super fast, it’s quite some time, right? If I had given up chocolate for two months I would have considered myself a qualified expert in self control. Two months can be a very long time.
So having been back in the saddle for this long you would have thought I’d have this whole baby thing down. Especially because I’ve done it twice before. Surely I should be giving lectures at the University of Parenthood.
I hold my baby boy like he’s an extension of myself. I’m a ninja at nappy changes in the dead of night (though I would argue that no one can always avoid baby boys’ sprinkler systems). Being a momma feels like the most natural thing in the world. And yet…
Yet I still feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’ve become a pro at self doubt and over-analysis, coming up with more questions instead of answers.
My baby boy feeds a lot and hasn’t yet found a rhythm of sleep yet during the day. Without the security of a routine I’m forever double guessing him and then cross examining my guesswork. Because of his rocky start, I pounce on any sign that he might be unwell or developing any complications.
That’s understandable, you might think. But then I go and bring a whole new level of ludicrous to the table.
This afternoon I sent my optometrist sister-in-law a message with the theory that TJ may be a vampire because he can’t stand sunlight, and asking her if she’d come across any other would-be vampire babies at work I kid you not.
Then there’s the ‘lessons’ I’m only just learning now, after ten years of being a momma. You know, stuff you should probably have already known about being a parent, or stuff you think you already know until it hit’s you between the eyes. I’m talking less about the practical stuff and more about the whole perspective on growing mini humans and how to survive doing it. As light bulbs turn on in my brain as I try and nurture my third baby alongside two older children, I’m repeatedly finding myself thinking;
Why have I not realised this before now?
How did I survive parenting not knowing this?
Am I the only parent so late to the game?
As I waited for my baby boy to arrive earlier this summer, I genuinely thought I’d learnt all the lessons. I thought I’d done baby school twice over. Maybe I was too overwhelmed with my first baby and too knackered with my second.
Or maybe I was busy making a paper aeroplane at the back of the classroom, and just not paying attention. Wearing the Dunce’s hat.
Whether or not it’s because I’m an older mum this time around, motherhood has felt like a whole new world and though I wish I’d absorbed those ‘lessons’ a decade ago, I’m appreciating the fresh perspective now.
Better late than never right?
Over the next week or so I’m going to be blogging about some of these parenting ‘lessons’ that I’m late to the game with. They’re not rocket science but definitely got an ‘aaaah!’ from me when I looked at something from a different angle.
The first lesson is very… Michael Buble. Now there’s a riddle for you to ponder on until my next blog post…
Mrs C x
This post is linked up with: